#tomorrow (next month): who knows
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Hawaii Part II has begun to take over my brain
#Artfruits#My art#remember when I did anime fanart?? Now I just draw whatever infests my brain at any given moment#Also yes that is Juno from Ruler of Everything THEY ARE CONNECTED#does anyone following me even know what Hawaii part ii is#They better#hawaii part ii#hawaii part 2#miracle musical#tally hall fanart#anyways. Um. Yeah#today: i bring you fanart of an obscure album from a decade ago#tomorrow (next month): who knows
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HELLO THERE
My name is Emile, I'm a Proship selfshipper who loves drawing other people's Self Inserts above anything else and for this week and this week only I am opening $10 RUSH ORDER SKETCH COMMISSIONS!
Do you want a drawing of you and your F/O for cheap and don't mind it being a little rough? Consider DMing me and you could get something like This!
For the low low price of $10 a sketch!!!
And as a bonus!! If you end up liking your sketch and would like it lined, colored, or even fully rendered, you can DM me next week and I will happily slash the price of a full piece just for you!!!
From right this very second through Thursday night my DMs will be open to anyone interested! I only have Paypal to accept payment so please be aware of that!
Thankyou for your time!
#Emile's Arts#Proship Selfship#Proselfship#Selfship#self ship#self ship community#Commissions open#art commissions#TO PEOPLE WHO SEE ME TALK ABOUT COMMISSIONS WHEN I'M IN AN EMERGENCY DON'T WORRY#I'M FINE#I actually meant to make a post like this MUCH earlier this month#I'm getting a chance to go to my first ever In Person Pokemon event this weekend and I'd like to have some money to spend while there#But then me and my dad started going crazy renovating my brother's old room for when Zayne comes to visit next month#And it totally slipped my mind till we were buying the tickets tonight#SO#Rush order coms it is#Just sketches so I can get them done as fast as possible#Thankyou very much for reading and/or reblogging this post if you did it means a lot to me#Hopefully posting this at 3:30am isn't the worst decision I made but Eh#I'll just make another shorter post tomorrow if I must#Oh also second bonus;#When drawing a new character I tend to do warm-up personality and outfit sketches#They're mostly just for me but if you wanted to see those as well I'd post them with the commission sketch for an extra $5#but I feel silly advertising that because they really are For Me kinds of quickhand sketches so fkgjfkdg#If you read these tags and want those as well let me know!!#Thankyou very much again for reading!!!
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Seven Sentence Sunday
Thank you for tagging me @elodiah
It's only 1 hour into Sunday and I'm posting already! Yet again, this sfw snippet is from my pesky nsfw fic that just wont finish itself. I've made a lot of progress though, so perhaps all will be revealed soon?
I'm still messing around with a few themes and, at this point, I've stared at the smut fic.docx for so long that everything feels like waffle. Will this end up in the final draft, or will I throw it into the dungeons (another document) and leave it there to rot? We'll see.
He didn’t want Mobius to worry about him further, so he diverted his attention with a soft kiss, desperately trying to convey how much those words meant to him. As they kissed, Loki thought about how Mobius had always held space for him to feel his emotions safely. At first, he worried that he was weak; that his true emotions would drive Mobius away, and that he would be alone. Again. But Mobius told him that vulnerability does not equate to weakness, nor does it determine his worth. In fact, it was a strength, a secret weapon. One that, over time, he would learn to wield with the same confidence as he held his daggers.
tagging: @impulsemuppet @kcscribbler @loki-is-my-kink-awakening @in-my-loki-feels and anyone else that sees this! pls share what you're working on, I'm nosey!
#lokius#my writing#seven sentence sunday#posting now because i'm off to london tomorrow and wont have time#wait tomorrow is now... i'm going to london today#anyway... soon means either next week or next month#who knows? not me!
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god i need to fucking live
#★#as in i need to go out into the world and meet people and talk to people and do things in person with my own body and my own voice#but also as in i need to keep living because who knows what'll happen tomorrow or the next day or the next day#maybe the life i keep dreaming of is in three days#in fact it is#(i just want it to be the end of the month i just really wanna go on my uk trip already ;v;)
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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Me clicking “see all” on the tags of that post on why Nate likes Peter: “Holy shit”
#sci speaks#i feel obligated to put a lengthy something something in these tags just to keep the joke up. so i'll tell you about my day.#i really wanted to get chinese takeout today and yesterday but i still haven't gotten it and it's upsetting because#i'm the sort of person who if there's a thing i really want i'll just keep thinking about it restlessly until it happens.#so i guess i'll be thinking about chinese takeout for the foreseeable future. maybe one night this coming week.#i should have bigger things to worry about than when my next chinese takeout fix will be but i'm a simple man with simple needs.#i don't know if the place even takes card and i havent seen a physical note of cash in months. do i need to withdraw money.#do i need to think that far ahead. should i withdraw some money tomorrow just incase.#i really like this chicken and aubergine dish from there it's my favourite. i really love aubergine.#do you guys like aubergine? sensory delight. it melts in your mouth. aughngh. ungh. moans whorishly.
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up next on chapter 36 of idol sengen… _(:3 」∠)_
#(my toxic trait is that i’ll complain about my work endlessly but still end up doing it anyway… eventually.)#there’s rant 1 (ft. a need to deduce what asuna is saying in full) and rant 2 (which is available in full but still…)#there’s also another mona-rambling session in chapter 38… that im not touching with a 50 foot pole#(all you need to know for that mona-rambling [about frusu] is that mona’s frusu oshi is all of them)#(and that she thinks miyu is like *the* pinnacle of centres in idol groups)#(also someone won a junior dance competition but idk who bc it’s obscured lmao)#can i outsource these panels for a corn chip lmaoooo#m. maybe i should’ve actually worked on this while i was still unemployed last month huh…#bc excuse me company wdymmmmmm im starting work next monday?? the interview was just this monday hello?#ig the interviewer was legit when she said ‘so if i asked you if you can start work next monday—’ huh…#sigh… maybe ch 36 next month then… i’ll do my best over the weekend thoughhhhh#seriously though why is this volume so text heavy l m a o i really wanna get to chapter 40 but…#and then there’s the hard to clean text boxes which… aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#…though i guess i should just count myself lucky that the chapters are still short enough to fit into a single post (with the image limits)#but dang. i just realised that my manga sengen thing has a page on manga updates lmao#who put it there lmaooooo and why is it only up till vol 2? wait. no. what. why does it link to manga.dex#bc dang. someone really had the time to dl the thing image by image? no wonder why they stopped after vol 2…#guess i might as well say why i dont want people to reupload my tls… since we’re in the final stretch and all#so. aside from the obvious ‘idw the creators to find out about it’… i probably made a ton of mistakes while tling it. esp in the early chaps#so i’d like to. y’know. have the chance to update the tls where possible. i’ve done that a couple of times already tbh.#like with rippei’s name post-vol 4 release. and some of the typesetting is p. gross in the early chaps tbvh#i swear tling idol sengen has made me incredibly conscious of grammar and typesetting like you wouldnt believe#esp with official tls… fan tls will always be perfect to me no matter how wonky the wording bc it’s hard but honest work yk#official tls (esp a.i tls) get no concessions from me bc it’s their job that they’re getting paid to do yk.#in any case (if you’ve read this far) if you see any mistakes in the tl please lemme know~~~ please dont hold back on your criticisms ok~~~?#just sound ‘em out in dms here or sth. don’t worry~~~ i won’t eat y’all if you try to correct me~~~~~ unless you’re the md reuploader (jk)#and ik i disabled comments on the other blog (or tried to at least) but that’s bc idw bots to flood the comments bc that’s annoying as he—#anyways sorry for the idol sengen wait (if anyone was waiting for it…) i’ll improve on my work ethic… tomorrow. maybe.
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My VA Next Gen OCs ~ Declan Sinclair.
Nothing is more important to him than family. His Aunt gave up everything for his mother who in turn gave up everything for him. He is going to honour their sacrifices, and do whatever he can to stop it from happening to anyone else. No matter how long it takes.
#i am not that good at making graphics#or well not as good as i wish i was lol#but i am making one for each of my next gen characters <3#i have two more queued up and ill be making the rest soon#maybe itll be tomorrow maybe itll be in three months lol who knows#va next gen graphics#declan sinclair#bri creates#bri's va next gen
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There's been interesting developments at work and i need to do a lot of work for university so i think tonight is the Perfect time to finish beyond evil
#i can't even begin to explain how ridiculous the work stuff is on here because it won't fit in the tags and I'm definitely not making a#whole post about it but let's just say it's crazy how detached that boss is from reality and realistic expectations#also none of this was actually communicated to me by the boss but i got to know about it from my colleagues who were like#'uh it seems like he [boss] wants you to take [BIG journal]' which is enraging actually since this would not be part of my#job description as I'd be a trainee and not an editor#but I'd have to work as an editor for the pay of a trainee (which btw is ridiculously low))#ANYWAY#i also have to write my papers finish my assignments write my internship report find a master's thesis topic and find a supervisor#within the next 2 months#but tonight#tonight is beyond evil night#(probably not gonna finish it. but I'll watch the rain scene and maybe even finish ep. 15 so you can imagine#what will happen tomorrow hehehehehehe#prepare for a flood of BE content as I'll be losing my mind once again just like i did the first 11 times)#and it's probably a good way to distract me from my coworker's absence ㅠㅠ i need to cope Somehow so#why not like this#watching BE is a good and appropriate way of handling any difficult situation (:#void screams#beyond evil#tbd probably#I'm overwhelmed and therefore chatty#not even sorry
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Also sorry I'm inevitably gonna b talking a lot about the breakup bc I got a lot of feelings to process. I sure didn't see it coming, so I didn't get any time to prepare for it.
#speculation nation#sometimes ur in a perfectly happy relationship and then outta nowhere she just drops u...#maybe this is karma for my last relationship. i did a kind of similar thing#though we Had had some problems. so there was some leadup to it. she just didnt realize it.#i at least had the grace to break up with her in person. it sucked but it was the respectful thing to do.#6 months in a relationship only to break up over text... im forever gonna be pissed at this.#i'll have my satisfaction when i next see her. which is supposed to be tomorrow but who fucking knows now.#after she stood me up yesterday and then chickened out of seeing me today. bc shes such a coward lol.#ive had my nice face on around her all the times we were together bc i like her#but she's gonna see my bitch side tomorrow. or whenever she comes by to drop off the shit.#ill try not to be Too nasty... but i will definitely be plenty cold lol.#might have a few words for her too. bc she really does deserve to see who exactly she's hurting.#she cant hide behind a screen and her infinite apologies forever. fucking coward.
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Neigh on 3am and I can't find the magical sleepytime fairy
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i genuinely love being busy and then taking opportunities to make yourself busier not because you feel obligated to do things but because you enjoy being busy
#work today then hazbin hotel watch party#then babysitting tomorrow afternoon then modeling that night#then dnd at 6am the next morning#OH SHIT I NEED TO ASK ABOUT THE PARTY AFTER THAT#need to ask my MOM because I can't DRIVE 🤬🤬🤬#anyway idk if this is a dopamine thing but busy is fun#could this be adhd???#who knows#i will soon#in 3-4 months i think#average boog post
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#mini art rant? thing? idk wtf this is.#for some reason my motivation is shot#I have this project i REALLY want to finish but it's big and i've been working on it on and off for a little over a month now#But going to the next step just seems so daunting#but i know if i keep putting it off and move on i'll never come back to it#But i don't want it to do that. cause this is something i care about and have put a lot of time in and i want it to be good#but I also really want to move onto other projects cause they sound like so much fun#I know i just need to bite the bullet sit down and do it but it's hard.#I wish I was more confident in my art so i didn't feel like this#not saying that it would go away forever. I just think it would help cause i want this to do well#cause it's more for someone else than it is for me#I think im going to go to bed early after a day of not being at all productive after i said i would#hope i can get something done tomorrow....#boa noite anyone who read this o///#or bom dia cause i think over half of my moots that i talk to regularly are in europe and should be waking up in a few hours#<333
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telling the psychiatrist who gets me my adhd medication that i dont have abnormal anxiety except now im pulling another anxiety-driven all nighter because every time i close my eyes i feel slightly like im going to die from thoughts
the moral of this story is dual enrollment sucks
#rat.txt#anxiety#adhd#i am having so much fucking fun /sarcasm#also im hanging out with a friend i havent seen in awhile at 10 (its 4 rn)#and i have a job interview on monday (tomorrow)#and my dual enrollment class starts on tuesday#except it doesnt if i accidentally fucked everything up#but my anxiety and anxiety driven executive dysfunction have not let me open my computer at all#so i dont know if i accidentally fucked shit up#i finally opened my college email account for the first time earlier this week#<- id had it for over a month#i am going to die on tuesday but at least i can ride the marta instead of drive#the second moral of this story is driving sucks#also on monday afternoon i have to feed the beighbor’s cat#<- i will be laying on their kitchen floor just vibing with the chonky girl#and my class is tuesday from 10-13:30. but the marta is slow and i am anxious so ill be waking up at 7:30ish#and then from 15:30 until like 20:00ish im volunteering to help run the concession stand at my siblings’ swim meet#also im staying with my dad this week (hes cool dw) but ill probably wnd up driving to my mom’s to hang out with my cat#and dying in the process#also i have summer work for ap calculus i havent even been able to open#and my ap lang teacher (who i wont have next year) assigned us summer book reviews but he’s cool and i dont want to dissapoint him#also ap exam scores come out in like july#<- i either did amazing or terribly. no in between#vent post#dual enrollment sucks
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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Doin bad again folx
#might delete later I’m just wide awake and miserable#summer bill came out today and it’s $7100 not including housing which will be $2400#literally dunno how im gonna pay for that and my dad is. adding to the emotional turmoil of it all#not able to get a loan at least not before the bill is due#able to get aid luckily but again who knows when or how much#my bday is tomorrow and for months I’ve been like please just let my bday be a good day i need one#i need some hope. not that I haven’t had good experiences lately bc I have. but nothing that lasts#nothing i get to feel good about for more than a day before a new problem drops#I need to enjoy my birthday without feeling this deep dark dread and fear and fucking guilt and hopelessness#I have fun plans for today And tomorrow and I’m grateful but honestly stressed about that too#bc it’s gonna be a lot + bc of all I need to do outside of that#+ I don’t get to spend my bday w friends the way I want like I have one friend Maybe coming w me#my bday is supposed to feel celebratory and instead it feels like absolutely forcing some illusion of choice or joy in my life#on top of it all. the most peaceful I usually ever feel is in bed w my partner and now my body won’t even let me hold or be held by them#currently laying next to them not touching them so I at least don’t keep them up w how physically miserable I am rn#I’m literally always physically miserable at this point and it feels like spring is never gonna come and provide any relief#but it’s like can I at least be cozy w them. nope instead I’m wide awake facing various horrors#despite being permanently exhausted and falling asleep in class after 40 ounces of coffee#Im just. so fucking unhappy in life rn dude I don’t want life to be like this forever with the constant threat of it getting much worse#fucking shred of joy in this godforsaken world: the sleep noises they r making rn#mine#txt#vent post#suicidal ideation tw#<- cry for help
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